you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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