and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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