If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
