mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
