Me too!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
