I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
