I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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