If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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