Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
