question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
