Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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