im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
