You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
