We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
