His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
