someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
