Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All the doctor said was why
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
