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You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
