so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
