apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
