I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What a dumb baby whore.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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