I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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