You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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