Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize