oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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