i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
