Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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