I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
