This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
