Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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