birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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