I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i came on her dog
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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