I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
