She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
