I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
