Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
