shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's blow job season.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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