I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
