Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
