Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
why is half of my head shaved?
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