The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
