you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
