I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
