Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
