May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
