I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
