Soap is not a condiment
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
