Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
