i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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