I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
