Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
