so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
