we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
