I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
