No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
