I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Bring me that man meat
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
