Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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