So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
