Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
