There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
