made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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